Life.

Well, not really obviously. But I am a girl, and I am a Harry Potter fan. So I might as well be Hermione Granger, right? Let me start by stating that this is not a fan fiction Tumblr type of thing. It’s just pretty much my life. I mean, it’s not as exciting as a Harry Potter fanfic, but hey, almost. I felt the need to create this Tumblr because I feel like I have two lives. I have the life in which I’m a normal 17-year old soon-to-be senior in high school who has lots of friends and goes out quite frequently and is always “happy”! I guess there is part of me in that life, but I have this whole other side of me that barely anyone knows about. I live in the USA. Not legally, but I live here anyway. I have no family here, no house, no car, no job. I live with my single mother because, lo and behold, my father abandoned us when I was a baby. I’ve never met him, nor do I care about meeting him. Up until last month, I thought I was the straightest girl on the block. That is until I kissed one of my best friends who also happens to be a girl. I know it’s super cliche to say, and I don’t even think I’m the right person to establish what love is or isn’t, but in my mind I think I’m in love with her. In any case even if I’m not, she’s the closest person I’ve ever come to love. And I don’t mean “yay! I love you! Oh my gosh, let’s go shopping this weekend!” No. I mean “I’m in love with you. I can’t stop thinking about you. I dream about you. I picture us together 24/7. You understand me like no one else does. You know more about me than anyone else. I want to be with you. I want you. You and me. Together.” Creepy, huh? I don’t even know what to label myself. I don’t think I’m straight because I like her. I don’t think I’m gay because I’m into guys. I don’t even think I’m bi because I’m not even attracted to other girls. It’s just her. She’s my only exception. I love everything about her. Anyway, sorry about that rant. Or actually, I’m not. I’m being as honest as I’ve ever been. I just feel like I need an outlet. I have a few best friends, but I’ve never found ease in being completely honest with people. There always has to be that feeling that they don’t know everything about me. That I’m not completely vulnerable to them. That if they totally wanted to screw up my life, they couldn’t ‘cause they don’t know enough about me to screw me over. Everyone in school thinks I have no extra baggage. That I’m just a nerdy pretty face who has the perfect life ‘cause I get good grades and I have a lot of friends. Well people, having a lot of friends doesn’t exempt you from feeling like the loneliest person in the world. They’re not real friends anyway. They’re called acquaintances. There’s a difference. In the face of adversity most of them would leave. Only time will tell who’s the real friend and who’s not. Well, I think this entry is long enough for today. Don’t hesitate in leaving me a little something in my ask box. Or not. Whatevs.

Peace out.